One Hundred Boats

“What could go wrong?” These were the last words written on the blog of an internationally famous madman, Sam Samson. Mr Samson gained fame when he infamously combined two boats together, creating the world’s first “Superboat”. If only it had stopped there.

According to Mr Samson’s blog, he had the idea to add a third boat to his maritime abomination and soon got to work on it. From there, Mr Samson stopped posting on his blog. Despite the lack of information we have directly from the source, people close to Mr Samson report that he became obsessed with his boating project, rambling on about “more boats” incoherently. A marine fabrication business near Melbourne tells us that Mr Samson asked if it would be possible to “combine one thousand boats”, which they told him was insane. Nonetheless, it seems that he continued with the project, adding boat after boat until disaster struck.

Unfortunately, Mr Samson had never heard the universal commandment, “Thou shalt not put more than five bow rails on a boat.” When told about it by his boat-loving father, Mr Samson did not listen. Despite this clear warning, Mr Samson continued to add new boats—and hence, bow rails—to his project. It was not until he added his one-hundredth boat, according to his close friend, Bucky, that things went wrong. Out of the sky came a lightning bolt so fierce that it tore apart the combined boats, scattering their pieces across the Southern Ocean and all of Victoria. After an extensive search, authorities gave up hope that they would ever find Mr Sam Samson. Despite the case going cold, his family and friends hold out hope that Sam somehow escaped the blast.

Perhaps Sam Samson was teleported by the power of the lightning bolt, appearing somewhere in the sunny Bahamas. This reporter finds that very unlikely, however, and believes anyone who thinks otherwise is just as insane as Sam Samson.

This has been a special report from Sarah Black, Channel 17.