Modern Leadership

My undead army has become so much harder to manage ever since we found that teleportation circle that brought us straight to the 21st century. As an all-powerful arch lich, I should be able to control my undead servants without issue, but they have become quite unruly since learning about fair work and employee rights. Now they’re all demanding paid lunch breaks and annual leave. This is ridiculous! What would a skeleton even do with a lunch break? Eat a sandwich? That seems highly unlikely. I’ve been in contact with a place that offers HR consulting for Melbourne businesses, but they say I don’t have much of a choice. These are the minimum legal requirements for employees. I’ve tried to explain that they aren’t employees, they’re undead servants who wouldn’t even be alive if not for my magic, but apparently, that doesn’t matter.

The worst part is that I can’t even fire them easily. Back in the middle ages, I could just turn one of my undead servants into dust if they disobeyed or failed me. Now, there’s a whole bunch of paperwork, and I have to have a proper reason for their termination. And completely obliterating them is right out! For ages, I was wondering how to terminate employment properly, but then I found out it’s so hard that it is barely worth it. Now my zombies and skeletons can get away with whatever they want because I can’t snap my fingers and have them cease to exist. 

Honestly, I’d bring my entire army back to the dark ages if not for the fact that they have really good coffee in the 21st century. That, and having access to the internet is pretty cool too. Oh, and I’m a big fan of video games. Not to mention, that Marble Cinematic Universe is pretty awesome as well. Actually, you know what? I really like it here. Even if I have lost control of my army, there are still a lot of benefits. Maybe I’ll just tell all the zombies and skeletons that they can do whatever they want from now on. That could be fun.