Now that I’ve broken up with Tyler, I’m finally at liberty to create the home I’ve always wanted. Hooray! Honestly, this is even more exciting than the general situation of being done cohabiting with that loser and his complete and utter lack of taste.
Anyway, enough about him. I’ve got this whole decorative theme worked out – essentially, tropical paradise in deep space. Don’t even try to talk me out of it. I’m starting with my bedroom and working outwards from there until the whole house is decked out in spiralling nebulas and swaying palms.
You might be wondering why I don’t just sage out the joint and add a few pot plants instead of rushing into such a radical home makeover. Well, I don’t do feng shui flourishes – I go hard or I go home (or, as in Tyler’s case, I kick you out of my home). So, thanks for your cute cactus wallpaper ideas, but you can keep them. I have a vision and I intend to stand by it.
First step: buy custom wallpaper. The stuff I’m talking about is self-adhesive and non-toxic and everything. Plus, it’s designed for DIY use so I’m gathering it’s not too hard to put up, which is ideal because I plan to put it on the ceiling as well as the walls. You can have it digitally printed with any design you want, and supplied to measure. What a time to be alive!
Next is lighting, which will be of the essence in establishing the right mood. I’m thinking an app-controlled smart lighting system in ambient colours. I’m also picturing unusual placements of fixtures, like near the floor and inside furniture – which will, of course, be the final piece of the puzzle.
Tyler never saw the house as anything more than a house, and I couldn’t abide that in the end. Not when I bought my own house specifically so that I could transform it into a cosmic temple of tranquillity.