There are all kinds of tips and tricks to win the Tidy Homes and Gardens award, which is why I’ve won it for Reed Street seven years in a row. People just can’t keep up with me. I’m on fire…except in a tidy homes and gardens sense. I know they all hate me, because they don’t have the savvy to figure out my tactics, but I seriously don’t care. I can bear their scorn, and their jealous looks, and I’ll even weather their ill-informed attempts to sabotage my garden. While I call Reed Street my home, no one else will win this award. It’ll just sit on my windowsill, right where everyone can see it walking past.
I suppose I can let you in on one secret, because it’s how I won LAST year. And that…is residential LED lighting. No lie! See, people put so much effort into growing their plants that they don’t think about extras that really help their display to pop. Last year I contacted some of the best purveyors of LED lighting, and I set up a special little display that illuminated my flower bed, surrounded by a special Japanese maple formation. If you use the lights in the right way, you can illuminate your offering to subtly shift things in your favour.
Oh, and I might have slipped in a hint to the judge that she should come around later that evening, since the home lighting I set up produced quite a lovely display that was far in excess of anyone else on the street. All of them had simple outdoor lights, for illumination and nothing else. Your home and garden should be a stage, or you have no chance!
Obviously, I stormed through the competition, and it was all due to home lighting solutions. Melbourne simply isn’t ready for my tidy home and garden genius…and they won’t be this year, either. I have something very special lined up that will- as per usual- take them all by surprise. This trophy isn’t going anywhere.
-Lawrence Q